8.12.2023 (mercury recalls 1st try)

yesterday slept a bit at studio cos last night was busy preparing for earup set tmr, and then for the "DJ set" at Mercury Recalls. i practiced a few times and designed a lot of stuff but turns out it's quite different from my expectation. the sound quality was limited, not reli good for delicate emo ambient sound design stuff. better for straight forward clear groove songs. also the audience most of them didnt care much and jus focus on eating, so the vibe was a bit strange. in any case happy to have tried this first time, might do another set 23 dec hope can do a lot better. i think the look of the place n location quite good, a bit pity the acoustics and sound system not more convincing.

about anxiety, i realized i still cannot get rid of them entirely, like i still had a few panic attacks or anxiety attacks before the set, but i can have a calmer mindset looking at them. like i'd feel "oh hi anxiety u r here again" and then calmly try to deal with it or acknowledge its' presence, rather than immediately craving for distraction or other coping mechanisms. im siu siu proud of myself being able to hv this change after so many years. wish i could tell u these.