6.11.2023 (CASH dinner)

saw u with a cap from a distance. dunno if I should feel glad to be around u, or be sad cos I can't talk to u

when leaving, suet suet excitedly talked about how u kept laughing at that 神挑俠侶 song and that annoying girl who would walk to ur backstage. me whole time sat next to jace on the side, chungsuet n Kiri n daniel Toh came by a bit to chat. under normal circumstances I would've walked to ur side to hi ppl.

wan Kwong was right next to me on the next table so I got a pic with him.

it's sai lo bday, u probably wouldn't rmb... or did I tell u? maybe once.

anyways I'm still hopeful about talking to u again. the iwc I know, should know my sadness. she would know that despite trying hard to live normal, I'd be feeling like I'm bleeding from stabs. but maybe u wouldn't care.

distance might make u feel safe, but distance kills me. sure this is lesson this is growth this is self love etc etc. I just hate how it feels. I hate the feeling of screaming into an abyss of darkness. Sure I can live like normal I can try work try let art heal me let reading distract me try spend time with family and friends n becoming a stronger person. Nth changes the fact that I'm sad to be separated n cut off from the person to whom I connect with more than anyone else.

hope is my only frd now. plants I thought were dying could come back strong. Things I thought I lost could reappear. Friendship I thought decayed could come back better than before. do I really have that little faith in us? can only fight on. what's the point of life without a few difficult battles?