30.1.2024 (3rd counselling sess: ideas about fixing anxiety / depression)

ok im typing this a few days after the session hope i rmb stuff.

i arrived first cos v stuck at work n left late. started talking about my anxiety n vicious cycle regarding creative works. Florence the counsellor had a few good insights which are nth surprising or nth i havent heard before, but they make more sense now. so as a musician my lifestyle is always spending time alone, at home or at studio. when i create, it's about my analytical mind and evoking my emotions too, so it's about mainly about me. it's alot of inward looking. tgt with my childhood experience of feeling neglected, or sai lo, it's easy for me to feel not understood. it's easy to store up negativity. adding to that, is my very irregular sleep and eat schedule since maybe hku. so it's actually parallel to my smallest creative decisions. i do not have routine, everything is possible, every day is different, every thing is random / chaotic. on the good side, this liberates my creativity. on the bad side, this makes it very hard to make any decision. another aspect is, about my desire to impress or 'please' people, usually friends or clients. it is actually in a strange way, similar to v's ppl pleasing tendency, but it's different at the same time. my perfectionism is sort of directed at my works / art and my desire to leave sth good behind.

anyways Florence's suggestions are very simple n nth new. it's for reli try enforce a more routine sleep and eat schedule. i used to think these r kind of unrelated to my creative issues, but now i know everything's connected. for my case, more routine would help to balance my hormones n emotional fluctuations n procrastination i guess. cos body n soul r connected right. so yea, i aim to wake up roughly same time as v, n then start work early every day, see how it goes

u seem busy with live shows as usual. mulu