29.11.2023 (suddenly less emo, 想通 alot)

maybe it's the sleep and the gym (i know it's jus once), i suddenly 想通 many things today. u been facing this thing since august (or was it july) so you are probably way over it already. me been not confronting the issue face to face and not it's November so it's 4 months already. u must think im an immature kid to be still in the needy emo phase >< my bad. ur blocking my small account forced me into deep depression which also forced me to confront the core issue more. is this called 置諸死地而後生？ the depression forced me into feeling the need to see the counsellor soon. also forced me to find ways to like at least function as a human. u guys had to confront the situation right away but me i kinda have to force myself to know what to do, so pls understand it's a little harder ><. i admit i had been hesitating about telling v becos i still want to be the "good guy" and not to throw the cruel reality at her. but this thinking is reli not good for either of us. i will see the councellor soon (partly for my depression, which is less serious now i think) and mainly to prepare for the talk with v). suddenly i can get you a lot more, and im happy about it. sorry me so slow.