28.10.2023 (Tone Music Awards)

可能用中文會易睇啲，都有比較多嘢想講。最開心係可以連續第二日同你喺一啲擦身而過嘅距離，原來已經好奢侈。

其實Tone係一早搵咗我做一啲音樂 jingle 同 opening video music track，但係做頒獎嘉賓係幾日前先問我-_-。I know there's a high chance u guys would get some awards... 但係同時又覺得唔應該因為想逃避而放棄呢個第一次做頒獎嘉賓嘅機會。

你未必會理解到，我知道你在附近，我知道你會聽到我講嘢，引起嘅 anxiety。of cos I want more than anything to see u in person, and I wanna show u I'm a human, but I also fear encountering ur avoidance or treating me as transparent or sth. 直到上台前，其實我最緊張嘅就係知道你坐咗喺第一行。

強大嘅白光同埋煙霧，減低咗少少我嘅緊張，因為就算想望向你度都睇唔到。我當然有諗過趁機會講一啲想同你講嘅說話，不過諗唔到可以點樣加落去，所以都係做返份內事。好好奇你會點諗，會唔會覺得我好似已經可以正常生活。我發覺原來面對public，真的可以進入另一個模式。我內心有幾辛苦，冇人會睇得到。

我又有諗過(overthinker here)如果要頒獎比你哋會點。大會本身係叫我頒十大，我借啲意話同啲純音樂嘅提名單位比較熟，所以要求改我頒純音樂Jason頒十大。結果似乎都真係爭少少都係我頒俾你哋。but u know I am high stress low avoidance.

I felt so happy for u guys winning the award. 我站在台邊聽你講嘢，然後你落返嚟之後同我擦身而過，不過你應該見唔到我(?)。

Your performance was superb。有機會係我聽過你現場唱得最好嘅一次, singing was flawless to me, Ah Po must be proud。your look was great too. Did u notice we both black blazer + silver bling blings. ur necklace so nice. As usual can't take my eyes off u whenever u on stage. So cute trying to clap with one hand up while playing a few notes ✋🏼. 慘慘 ur dress seemed got some issues? Saw u kept trying to pull it up. I kept moving my head looking at u, dunno if u noticed me at all, prob too busy swinging ur head.

Then it was fun seeing u enjoy IOS n the metal stuff. q q for u to enjoy metal n move move gung. n Ah po is indeed very ying. a bit damaging to the ears if stand too close to speakers tho ><

I felt relieved after completing my first ever prize giving. Overall anxiety level was reasonable n I think I did better than I expected. 點解打打吓又變咗英文。so I left before the last song ended.

it's past midnight so it's my bday lu. so maybe I should take this sort of being in the same space with u as my bday gift to myself?