27.12.2023 (first counseling session with v)

went to see counsellor Florence tgt with v today. The place is on Temple street, whole building is Christian things dunno if u have been there before.

i appreciate her for agreeing to join. it was a little over an hour. we did talk about alot of things already talked about at home. i think it makes it easier for her to accept cos of Florence's Christian background. Florence was being very cautious with her choice of words.

Florence mentioned that I'm also focusing too much on myself and neglecting v's feelings, which i admit. i know that part of me wants to just give up the relationship. part of me still holds a lot of resentment and feeling of being mistreated. abandonment wounds. im largely focusing on being rational and calm and getting better control of myself. self awareness also. it's a tough learning process but i guess learning to think outside of oneself and learning to listen or admit our own limitations is important. at the same time i think im protecting myself from falling back into the loop of guilt and repressing my negative feelings.

saw ur story thanking aashc for supporting you this year. i know you are at least several months ahead of me in terms of healing / growing. reli wish to know how you are doing. i understand it is probably not the timing for us to talk. and i dunno how long it might take before it becomes a 'good' timing. from a distance i really wish you well.

later tonight had another chat at home with v. tonight she said she dunno how to pray so i offered to try. i know i dun wanna promise too much, so i just said what i could. i admitted my wrongs and my hurting to her. i said no matter how difficult things may appear there should be God's plan in all this. i think these are honestly what i think.

personally i know i still hold a bit of grudges or feeling of being neglected. i still feel not sure about this relationship, but i think im making progress, in terms of self healing and helping her understand me. saw u ate with Tinana and 恩恩. ur kid photo is funny. i reli want to communicate with you. to update you and to hear from you. maybe i should try praying for now?