24.11.2023 (reflection)

when u left it felt like u cut open my body, took out a big chunk of dunno what, then just left me there with a giant hole. that hole that is specifically u will always be there... even if i manage to survive i will see the hole which would remind me everything abt u and tell me to keep trying to reach u in some way. next time i reach u, i will not mess it up. maybe the problem has always been self love. i kept wanting to find the perfect romance and love but i cant even express my emotions and needs. i kept wanting deep connection n undivided attention n unlimited curiosity. i dont avoid people or risky situations but i avoid conflicts and avoid expressing negative emotions. i avoid voicing out for myself. so I get drown in emotions I can't express n keep looking to be saved by someone. U gave me the perfect solution to every problem.

so, I try change that now... jus went down to jog at the gym. It reli helps with the emo. U reli are expert at "killing" emotions... maybe I'm the expert for "amplifying". anyways I can still confidently say I love u more than anyone I hav ever loved. N the time with u the happiest time in my life.

Kiri said I'm half glass full person. maybe I reli should learn to look at the half glass full. how many ppl cannot experience two days or even two hours of what we shared tgt. Thx for giving me that 💟