22.12.2023 (progress)

day 3 after breaking the news to her. basically every night i tried to talk to her. she lives her live like normal. goes to work normal. chat with family in whatsapp group like normal.

but when i try to talk to her at home she still breaks down into crying and anger which of cos is normal.

i tried to behave how i should, but im more calm then i felt i should be. tho calm is not bad i guess...

she still has a lot of sadness and anger which is totally normal. i tried to talk calmly to her while minimizing judgement and i also tried not to be too "positive" when im not convinced about the future yet. i can react more calmly and less anxiously / reactively now.

dunno if it's part of coping mechanism, but now when i watch those "self-help" youtube i can agree more with what they say, and i know the past me would find it more difficult to do so. i know i cannot just accept n follow what everyone says tho. afterall i need to find my own path and live my own life.

to be honest i have wanted quite many times to share to you my progress. but my gd frds advised me not to. i know it's too risky. while there is a small chance u might appreciate or be happy to hear it. there is also a large chance u might feel irritated, or u dun care, or u find it annoying / clingy like why is my life ur business. so i accepted in most scenarios, it's better not to disturb you. to be honest i already came up with many ways i "could" use to reach out to you (in a less annoying way), but i know i shouldn't. best way is reli respect your boundaries and listen to what you told me to do. fix my problems n try live well, that's the best thing i could do for now. of course you must know i want more than anything, to talk to you, to see you, to laugh with you, to sit quietly next to you and jus share to you all the growth and transition i have experienced. but hopefully there will be a timing for this. i pray for ur happiness and health.