21.12.2023 (i looked outside of malibu n i started crying)

i told in total 6 ppl about what happened, without mentioning ur name.

first it was canaan fong, cos when u broke the news to me i was in the Summer Camp and she was the only person i knew there n i felt she was reliable. second is jace cos i reli see her as a gd frd who understands different sides of me. third was chanka, cos everyone saw her get out of the relationship with nichung n became transformed. she did give me some useful insights tho she herself is still working on her own battles. then fourth was cehryl. i was never very close with her but she noticed my emo and she asked me several times. i didn't want to share at first but eventually i did share n she did give me very good insights too. sensitive while being sensible at the same time. fifth one was samson my best man at the wedding. we again were not very close emotionally but i see him as someone i could count on. n he did listen to me patiently. sixth one was DGS ex grace. she didnt reply much but im reli glad we could still talk.

today i was telling jace i reli reli wanna share to you that i have done the talk with veron. jace immediately scolded me saying i should not do that. if in the long run what i want is to talk to you and be friends, all i need to do is to focus on myself n do well n that's the only way to earn your respect.

i went home after eating alone at lohas. looked at the moving waves from the balcony. then i started crying. i know i reli miss you. but what jace said is right. i need to focus on myself. that's the best way n the 'only' way i guess.