11.2.2024 (CNY)

about yesterday 11.2.2024. first went to v por por place in yuen long. nth too special. saw many of her por por relatives go to her house bai nin. i think im not supposed to get many laisees but still some of those gave to me cos i was sitting there. the niece like every time reli likes playing with me. helped fry some nin go and lobak go cos nth else to do.

afterwards long journey to midlevels to my 6 yee ma home to see some of my mom's relatives. again nth special, but i hv learnt to appreciate this kind of nth special, plain kind of family gathering. seeing family, having a normal meal can be a pleasant thing.

when homed, forced v to watch netflix "devil's plan" with me. it's a reality game show which demands IQ / brain power. sis recommended me to watch it. wonder if u watched. wonder how u r doing this CNY. every time i show i'd jus think about u. do you know how painful it is, not being able to talk to u. it was hard with grace. but at least in the end we get to talk a bit throughout the years in text. i actually still want to meet her in person one day. i try to tell myself, even with friends im on good terms with, like maybe Kiri or chungsuet, i could go on months without talking to them, n we could still be ok. my high sku frds i talk to or meet even much less. ur case is of cos different. u r someone i'd want to talk to like once a week... u r the best listener. n ur voice, i could never get tired of.

i have confidence in ur understanding abt me. so i hope u would at least know the condition im in now? sadly u might not even care. all i have are questions in my head. i know i dun always need answers... i guess you would at least hv a rough idea about how im... i hope u'd know that i'd try my best to fix the situation n myself. i hope u'd know that i mustered the courage finally to tell her what happened (without mentioning ur identity). i hope u'd know that im going thru counselling with her. i hope u'd know that im fixing my unhealthy habits (sleep, eat, anxiety, escapism, etc). i hope u'd know how much i want to contact u but refrained cos i know u wouldnt want me to...