1-7 Jun 2024 (about perfectionism)
so i havent updated for a week. been a little bit hectic, but also kind of productive week.
been juggling a few things, an arrgt for a new singer songwriter, gigi's still in progress song, one arrgt for ivana's live show, and then preparation for the Yellow Magic Orchestra concert in august at west kowloon. have progress in everything, esp. the YMO concert preparation. i pushed myself to meet blue, perry and the visual guy respectively to discuss the show. quite helpful i think. wanna kick start asap. 早辛苦 then later would be less stressed. around 2 months before the shows now. happy to be learning the new skills about managing ppl and overlooking a larger scale show. gei ho play geh dou. wish i could share my learnings with u.
found a book about perfectionism called "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power" quite good rating on goodreads. seems quite inspiring. so there are 5 types of perfectionism. the author said every perfectionist is a combination of the healthier kind of perfectionism + the more harmful kind.
classic: highly reliable ppl, great at execution. transactional, judgemental. not good at collaboration. get things done and sometimes feel taken for granted.
procrastinator (perfect beginning): want perfect conditions before starting (ok this quite me). very thotful, not impulsive. takes a lot of preparation. see 360 degrees perspective. never ready to executive.
messy (perfect middle): in love of starting things. in love of beginning. ideas generator. when the middle of the process is not perfect, can be destabilized, shy away from continuing. try align ideals with all possible ways of doing things. refuse to believe that you cannot achieve everything. deny limitations. (ok this sounds a bit like me too)
parisien: appears effortless, engage with themselves. manifested interpersonally. seek ideal connection, wanna perfectly understand ppl and be understood. warm ppl good at taking care of ignored ppl. ppl pleasing. feel isolated. abandoning themselves n not being connected to themselves
intense: wants perfect outcome (sei la this also sounds like me). razor sharp focus, extremely efficient. dont care about being liked. get the goal by any means. inconsiderate to how one / others are being treated. burn out.
one inspiring idea was "self punishment". mal-adaptive perfectionists tend to self punish. thinking pain is a motivating force. when in pain, stress response is activated, the mind looks for short term solutions to get out of the situation instead of long term vision. also would be experience fear, contract instead of expand. staying up late is an example of self punishment according to the author.
guiding questions to whether perfectionism is healthy:
a) why are you striving? if striving is to certify belonging to group or to become lovable or worthy of certain things, then it is maladaptive perfectionism
b) how are you striving? if it hurts oneself / others, then it is unhealthy
this framework seems gei ho. upward counterfactual thinking. another good term that helps make sense of what perfectionism is doing lol. me is always thinking about what ifs, or how things could be better. that is essentially what perfectionism means. so being more optimistic and grateful could be a better way to see things in a way to make one's mood better.
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