1.12.2023 (happy u like eloise & waa wei)

gum jau december. did u also listen to waa wei new-ish song "call from new york city"?

it's kinda magical these two days my head ging yin much less anxiety. I realized how scary it was when i was drowning in anxiety every single day... for a couple of years... I think partly might be stress and anxiety from career / music but large part should also be from relationship. these few days the level of anxiety went from the normal 80% to maybe 10-15%. it's mostly because i figured out (with the help of you and friends) what the core of my problem is. it's not that i dont miss u alot still but i get that my problem at home is way more serious at the moment. I been not happy becos i cant be myself and i cannot present my honest self to people. i been stuck in the need to fulfill expectations of people and to be a so called 'nice guy'.

a bit crazy how fast the "progress" goes. today went gym but it's closed so i went jog on the seaside. rmb us sitting on the rocks that was so nice. then today got the piano tuned. c fu said it's at 432 hz now, which is still 8 steps away from the right pitch, would take 2-3 more tunings then it'd be "correct". i like how it's correct relatively but for absolute pitch it's not yet there. these few days get less triggered by u guys' posts / stories lol. never thot this could happen. took like 4 months? in a way u finally helped me fix (or at least partly la) my anxiety, anxious attachment, emo, depression, a lot of stuff. i dont think those things are wrong. it's part of my personality n upbringing. sometimes they hurt too much they make it hard to function tho. i got quite used to them. it's not like i hav zero of those now but im on the path to healing i guess. im more ready to face u now without breaking down. reli wanna let u know. anyways no rush.